you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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