If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize