i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
