watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
