I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
