At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
