I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
