smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
