Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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