Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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