GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
