Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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