I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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