I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
