What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Randomize
