guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
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