I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize