The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
