Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
