I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
