You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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