i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
