if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize