he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
