Cold hands, warm shart.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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