Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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