How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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