Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
