I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
