i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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