it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
