am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
