watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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