I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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