Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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