Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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