SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I wish i was in the wii world.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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