What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
