remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
