No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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