Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
