I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
