Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
cat food counts as protein by the way
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
