I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
