i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
