I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
time to smoke my breakfast
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
