The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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