i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
