Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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