Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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