Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just blew my weed a kiss
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize