i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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