You made me cry and you don't even care
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize