Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
