im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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