Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
