I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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