You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
