I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize