Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
