That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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