im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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