You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize