...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
