I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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