Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
