Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
