Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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