yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize