My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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