I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
