when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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