Cold hands, warm shart.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
